OUR VIEWS

Exit Torricelli, but no apology

"Somewhere today in one of several hospitals in New Jersey, some woman's life is going to be changed because of the mammography centers that I created for thousands of women," he told reporters. "Somewhere tonight in Bergen County, if a woman is beaten, if she fears for her child, she'll spend the night in a center that I created for abused children so they can be safe."

There was more of this self-congratulatory pap, all of it neglecting to mention that it was the taxpayer who wrought these projects, not Torricelli, and all of it assuming that benefits exceeded costs, which often was not the case in the sorts of vote-procuring programs supported by the New Jersey Democrat. What was missing was a sense that the man was sorry for what he had done. He was only sorry for himself.

"I am a human being," he said, "and while I have not done the things that I have been accused of doing, I most certainly have made mistakes. There will be those who have concluded that those mistakes bring justice to this moment because there's a price to be paid. When did we become such an unforgiving people? ... When did we stop believing in and trusting in each other?"

In other words, he is not guilty, but he is guilty, and why can't people just look the other way?

Here is why, Mr. Torricelli. If voters put up with politicians like you, our institutions will be debased and our democracy threatened. It's not an issue of forgiveness, but of rendering a judgment that past misconduct is a good indication of future misconduct, especially when the guilty party lets himself off the hook by saying all of us humans do it.

To be trusted, it helps to be trustworthy. And forgiveness does not entail putting someone in the Senate.

School of scandal

His Conservative Party Cabinet couldn't quite live up to those values, and an astonishing number of them were forced to resign because of one sexual scandal or another. His heritage minister, dubbed the "Minister of Fun" by the press, resigned because of an affair with a soft-porn actress. His roads minister was found to have five mistresses. The environment minister left because of a love child. The Northern Ireland minister departed because of what the press called a "three-in-a-bed romp." Two other Cabinet members resigned because of affairs, and the junior ministers — don't even ask.

Although the issue of "Tory sleaze" helped topple his government in 1997, no scandal attached itself to Major. Now it turns out that Major had a four-year affair, and, wouldn't you know, it was with a Cabinet minister, Edwina Currie.

Currie was a health minister in Margaret Thatcher's Cabinet, and Major a rising star in Conservative politics. The affair ended two years before Major became prime minister and stayed a secret until this past week, when Currie's soon-to-be-published diaries were serialized in The Times of London.

The British, it must be said, do sex scandals much better than we do. Ours tend to be lachrymose, like the Kentucky governor's affair with a talkative nursing-home operator; or door-slapping farce, like then-Mayor Rudy Giuliani trying to move his mistress into his official residence; or just grubby, like the president and the intern.

In her diaries, Currie wrote that Major "came along and he was so attractive, and so quiet in public that it was a challenge to unearth the real person, and to seduce him — easy! And it was unexpectedly, spectacularly good, for such a long time."

If it's any consolation to Major, that sort of cheery gush — a compliment in its own way — is better than the American way of scandal, which runs heavily to subpoenas, lawsuits and scorched-earth lawyers.

And we must master the understated but devastating one-liner that the Brits do so well. Observed Lady Archer, wife of a disgraced and jailed Tory politician, "I am a little surprised, not at Mrs. Currie's indiscretion but at a temporary lapse in John Major's taste."

They have Lady Archer and we have the House impeachment managers. We simply have to do better.

OTHER VIEWS

A pox on everything

By ARGUS HAMILTON
THE DAILY OKLAHOMAN

The Senate Office Building was closed Monday by a note with the word smallpox written on it. It set off a brief panic. Smallpox is currently Saddam Hussein's understudy in the White House production of "Scare Americans into Voting Republican."

Tiger Woods thanked the golfing fans in England for their good sportsmanship during the Ryder Cup finals on Sunday. Golf galleries in America are far more hostile. We may be only one presidential tantrum away from sending Arnie's Army into Iraq.

The Discovery Channel ran a documentary Saturday about the Aboriginal tribes of Australia. They subsist in the Kalahari Desert with no jobs, no money, and no health care. The mystery is, how did they know to name it Bush Country so long ago?

President Bush spent Monday in closed session with Don Rumsfeld at the White House. They huddled for six hours. No one will say what they were working on, but you can bet it wasn't their acceptance speech for next year's Nobel Peace Prize.

Saddam Hussein called for national elections Oct. 15 so he can say that he's an elected leader. He's the only name on the ballot and people who vote against him could be shot. This is like a New Jersey Senate race without the TV ads.

Sen. Bob Torricelli asked a court to remove his name from the ballot this November. The New Jersey voters are angry and disappointed in him. He took cash under the table and they just found out the table was built by nonunion carpenters.

Congress agreed Monday to construct an $8 million rest home in Louisiana for retired chimpanzees. It will house chimps no longer working in medical science or show business. Over the years only the voters have sent more Bonzos into retirement.

Dick Cheney campaigned for Republicans last weekend after he recently passed his physical with flying colors. It was all good. Doctors told him he has low blood pressure but the price of prescription medicine usually cures that right away.

House Minority Leader Dick Gephardt hosted a Hollywood fundraiser Sunday and raised $6 million to help the Democrats take back the House. Losing the house is not that uncommon here in Los Angeles. It's the price of getting a younger wife.
— Scripps Howard News Service

Argus Hamilton can be reached
at argusjokes@aol.com

YOUR VIEWS

Best tribute is to take out Saddam

It may not be easy to take out Saddam; certainly, it will be an expensive proposition. After 9/11 the United States and Great Britain are firm in their resolve to oust the current Iraqi regime; however, many of our allies seem to be faltering. I suggest we make it clear to them that either they join the red-white-and-blue bandwagon or not receive economic aid.

Allied nations should give not only financial support in the war on terrorism, but send troops as well, not troops just to make war, but troops to expel a dictator. Then our objective should be to establish a new democratic Islamic state based upon constitutional reform and a Bill of Rights that guarantees religious freedom and basic human rights to all citizens! This should also include provisions which provide for police, peace keeping forces, not military build up bent upon destroying Israel or the United States as some great Satan.

Either we march upon Baghdad and obliterate Saddam's military-industrial complex and establish a democracy, or wait until Iraq has nuclear weapons. I do not see that as a reasonable option. In fact, the moment Iraq broke the agreements made at the end of the Persian Gulf War, we should have renewed our bombing of Iraq.

Terry Lynch
P.O. Box 241035
6701 Winton Blount Blvd.
Montgomery

Misnomer

Armond "Si" Simmons
104 Wadsworth Lane
Pell City

Why the rush?

We managed to keep the Soviet Union from invading Western Europe for 50 years, why can't we prevent Iraq from attacking us for a few months?

Is this about the safety of Americans or the safety of the Republican's hold on power?

Just asking.

Joseph Vecchio
2043 Esquire Drive
Alpharetta, Ga.

Must not wait

The United Nations is a Third World organization that has prostituted itself by allowing serious human rights violators to serve on the Human Rights Commission and even on the Security Council. The U.N. is irrelevant to us! God has granted us a "free will," and he allows us to suffer the consequences of our actions and inactions, as a person, a people, and a nation.

If we continue to allow Sadaam to buy, develop, and export weapons of mass destruction and delivery systems for them while repeatedly lying and double-crossing us and the world, then we deserve to suffer the consequences. Let us never forget that we didn't know Nazi Germany had V-2 rockets until they started raining down on England. We didn't know they were developing jet fighters until after World War II had ended. And we didn't know that Hitler and the Nazis were murdering millions of Jews until we liberated the concentration camps.

We almost waited too long to do anything about Adolf Hitler and Nazi Germany. Let's not give cruel and sadistic Sadaam Hussein, his sick sons and their tyrranical Iraqi regime any more time to plan our destruction.

Let's not wait for Sadaam and Iraq to blackmail us with some secret weapon, like deliverable nuclear warheads.

R. Tullos "Dan" Hanchey
413 Idlewoods Lane
Ridgeland, Miss.

Disregards rules

I can understand his unease with the way in which the University of Alabama treated the boosters involved in the case, but his lust for justice (at least in his view) at all costs shows the same disregard for established rules that he accuses the University of Alabama.

He says it himself, "Forget secret witnesses and the statute of limitations." Wow! How convenient!

I would not wish that type of "justice" on anyone.

Brian S. Davis
7803 W. Deschutes Ave. M150
Kennewick, Wash.

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