"SCHEXNADER'S MONKEY"
William "Bill" Hughes
When I arrived in country I was as
wet behind the ears as anyone could
be. I didn't know that much about
this man's Army but I noticed
something was wrong when I
reported to the 57th. I didn't
know that much about insignia
and all of that but after going
through medical training at Ft. Sam
I did know what the MSC insignia
looked like and after reporting,
I noticed that all of my officers
wore the caduceus of the MSC Corps.
That is, all but one. His name
was Lt.Garfield Schexnader. The
Officers called him Chuck. Of
course, I referred to him
as SIR. Chuck, was the type of
individual that seemed to enjoy
life. He was always joking
around and had an air of
confidence that would be hard
to match let alone exceed.
I will give him this; he was
one hell of a pilot. On his
collar was the insignia of an
Infantry Officer. I recall
him telling all of the other
officers that this is how
we do this and how we do that
in the infantry. His present
assignment, at the 57th, was
Maintenance Officer. I don't
know how Chuck got misplaced
but all in all I think that he
enjoyed being with the 57th.
Those of you that think that
you knew me really didn't.
At the reunion I got into my
philosophy of the Army with
Si and Bob Mock. They are aware
of the fact that I looked
at my duty in Nam with pride.
I was sent to Nam to perform
a duty. That duty was as a
medic. In short to patch up
the sick & wounded and on
occasion actually save a life.
I took this part of my duty
very seriously. As for the
rest of it……..Well let's just
say that it took SSgt Allen
the better part of a year to,
almost, figure out why I was
never in the area when he had
one of his shit details.
Whenever one of them came up,
Hughes was downtown on an
errant for one or more of the
officers. When SSgt. Allen
left he told Sp/4 Eaton, " You
know everyone thinks that
Hughes is so dumb. Hell, he's
one of smartest persons I
have ever met. I've never
seen anyone get out of work the
way he does."
OK, this brings us up to LT.
Schexnader and his monkey.
It seems as though Chuck went
into Saigon one night and
really tied one on. The next
morning when he arrived at
the Operations Shack he looked
like warmed over death. I
believe he made a statement to
the effect of never drinking
again for the rest of his life.
Anyway he seemed very
anxious to talk to Sp/5 Wall.
Now, those of you that knew
Wall knew that he could find
anything and that he was
pretty handy with a hammer & saw.
I watched, out of curiosity as
Lt. Schexnader drew a diagram
of something for Wall. Within
two days old Clarence (Wall)
had constructed a beautiful
cage. Those of you that didn't
serve in the Old Brown Boot
Army (that's the 57th in
early to mid 64) will not
know this fact. The area
between the Maintenance &
Supply Shacks was vacant.
There wasn't anything there
(no building). This is where
Clarence constructed this
beautiful cage. It was approx.
4-5 feet wide and about 8 Ft.
in length and about 6 Ft.
tall. It was a work of art.
Still don't know where Clarence
got the materials. But, like
I said he could come up with
just about anything you wanted.
Before the construction was
over everyone knew what the
cage was for. It seems that
on that infamous night of
drinking Lt. Schexnader
bought a Monkey. I thought
that the little thing was cute.
But that was about to change……
Just before Clarence finished
the cage Lt. Schexnader called
me over to his desk. His exact
words to me were, "Hughes it is
going to be your responsibility
to take
care of the Monkey. That duty
will include feeding him
and cleaning his cage." I
thought about it for a moment
and then I told him that I
didn't recall anything in my
job description about taking
care of primates. He grabbed
my sleeve and at the same time
grabbed his collar showing
me his Lt. Bars. Of course as
a Pvt. E-2 I had nothing
on my sleeve so his point was
understood.
For the next few days I
performed my duties
(Monkey Keeper) as instructed.
And each day I hated
that monkey more than the
day before. It kept me up
at nights trying to figure
out how I could get out of
that F-----G assignment.
Then it came to me……..
From that day on when we
arrived at the flight line
for Morning Roll Call I would
walk through the Orderly shack.
Back then there was an open area
in the rear of the shack.
That is to say that there wasn't
an office in the rear
right hand corner across from
the CO's office. In this
open area there was a table
with a coffeepot and right
before you went out back there
was a water cooler. It was simple.
Just before opening the back door
I would get a cup of Ice Cold water
and when I went through the door
I would let the monkey have it. It
only took the monkey a day or two,
at the most, to realize that when
he saw me he was going to get a
bath. After a few days of this, the
monkey wouldn't let me get within
eyesight of him. I went to Lt.
Schexnader and told him that I
loved the Monkey but that the
monkey wouldn't let me near him.
I recall Lt Schexnader's words
exactly, he said, "Hughes you're
not getting out of it that easily."
I suggested that we go outback so
that he could see for himself that
I was telling the truth. When we
went outback I let Lt. Schexnader
go first. This way I would be
coming through the door by
myself. When I opened the door
and the monkey saw me he went "ape"
(excuse the pun). Lt. Schexnader
couldn't figure it out. He said
something to the effect that the
monkey was so friendly, calm etc.
I suggested that perhaps it was my
after shave or something………
I don't remember who Schexnader
strapped with the Monkey assignment,
I think it was Clarence. But I'm not
sure.
About 3-4 days after I was relived
of my monkey duties, Bloomquist told
me to grab my gear because there
was a maintenance flight (Kelly said
that all flights would go up with a
full crew, even maintenance flights).
I went out to the flight line to
prep the ship and in a short
while Lt. Schexnader and the
other pilot pulled up in the
jeep. I was surprised to see
that we had an additional passenger.
On Schexnader's shoulder there was
the monkey. He had a collar and a
short leash. Lt. Schexnader cranked
up the ship and we took off.
He was taking the ship through
its paces and everything was
checking out all right. Then
he suddenly took the ship from
about 500 feet to about 6,000 feet
and leveled off. We were flying
that course for a few minutes and
everything was fine. All of a sudden
we hit an air pocket! We dropped
down to about 1,000 feet in a matter
of a few microseconds. (In twenty
months of flying I never got used
to air pockets. Every time it
happened I thought that my stomach
was going to come out of my mouth)
When I regained my composure I
turned around to look at the pilots.
Actually I turned around because I
heard a lot of commotion up front.
It sounded like a lot of cussing
to me. When I saw what had happened
I damned near died. What I saw was
the monkey hanging from the roof
of the ship, Not only was he
screaming, he was emptying his bowels
and throwing up all over Schexnader.
I swear, they must have heard me
laughing all the way back at Ton
Son Nhut.
Needless to say the flight was
cut short. When we landed
back at the pad, Schexnader
bolted out of the ship and
immediately got in my face.
He said, "Hughes you think
that that was funny????" I
couldn't resist it. My reply
was, "Well no sir, but I do think
that it was poetic justice."
Of course he didn't see the
humor of it at all. As he went
storming back to the jeep he
shouted out, " Hughes, clean
the f-----g ship!!!!" To be
truthful I didn't mind cleaning
the ship, as a matter of fact I
laughed the entire time while
removing monkey feces, vomit etc.
Next day we reported to the
flight line and as I walked
through the back door I noticed
that the monkey was gone.
I never had the nerve to ask
Lt. Schexnader what happened
to him. I'd like to think that
he set him free.
I loved that monkey.
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